Ack. I hate this place that I'm in, mentally. Lots and lots of things I want to do (such as write, sing, make songs, start a new quilt, fix up the garden, write, draw, make amigurumi, photograph, build things) and absolutely no energy to do them. So I feel useless. This then leads to negative reflections such as "what's the point of doing any of it?", and then the flipside "what's the point of doing anything but creatively productive/expressive stuff?"
And I end up doing none of it.
Actually the point of it all is that I'm not too well at the moment (both health and emotion-wise), and so I shouldn't be too hard on myself. I can do little bits of things. It would be nice to have the time and space to do something big. But little bits of things will have to do. For now.
Tomorrow I go to the Mater Hospital in North Sydney for my second MRI - this time with dye injected into me so they can see things more clearly in my head. I'm not anxious about it, just tired.
:(
ReplyDeletePraying that the MRI comes back clear and that the cloud lifts in the very near future!
ReplyDeleteHang in there Bec.
BTW - Maybe you should've come over on the weekend. Hanging out with little kids who struggle with the basics of sticky tape makes you feel like an omnicompetent creative genius!
The best part of the MRI, seriously, is it being clear and being able to tell people, "they looked in my head and found nothing". The dye I had just felt kind of weird and warm and itchy, like a heat rash in my veins. Not painful, just odd.
ReplyDeletePraying there's nothing in there!