i sent two stories to a competition today. it felt like a huge achievement, even though i'm not sure the stories were up to scratch. i might post them on the site eventually, as that section has been static for a while and my legions of fans must be hungry for more. ;)

it feels like i'm getting back into the swing with the writing, which is a great relief. it makes me feel a bit more secure in my abilities and my desire to write, and enables me to cope (just) with encounters such as the following...

i was at the supermarket today and these two people stood behind me, talking very loudly. why is it that people whose opinions are facetious and who are incredibly annoying are always the loudest, and talk in confined spaces like supermarket queues, coming out of the movies/play/live performance, on the bus, etc? this girl said, in an extremely world-weary voice:

"I started a book last night."

Her male companion said, "Reading?"

"No, writing."

"That's cool."

"Yeah, well I've got five thousand words."

"Wow, that's heaps!"

"Yeah. And now everyone's like, 'I don't want to see myself in there!' And I mix it up a bit, you know, but all my friends are worried they'll see themselves in there."

"You can use me."

"I can use you? Excellent. I just don't know what'll happen when it gets picked up, you know, with people recognising themselves. It could be embarrassing."

No, honey, I think you're plenty embarrassing on your own.

my heart aches with longing to write. i want to be consumed, be absorbed, be absolutely engulfed with story and character and delight and heights and depths and all of it.

what is holding me back?

my small, tired brain won't let me concentrate on reading anything too complex - so i don't get fed that way. i start on excellent books that grab me from the outset, only to put them down and realise, weeks later, that i've completely forgotten those few pages i read and intended to go on with. i write a few pages, every now and again, but nothing near complete scenes let alone complete stories.

there have been times in the past when i couldn't wait to get back to my stories, to tinker and toil. these days i hardly ever go back to any of them, nor start new ones.

i don't know if it's my attention span, or tiredness from work, or boredom in life...probably little bits of all those things. i was going to take this seriously. a couple of years ago i made that decision. but it doesn't feel like i could live or die by the word. it's so much more mundane than that.

why don't they tell you about the beige banality of it all? what is stopping me from leaping into it? why am i such a stereotype?!

:)

spare a thought for poor heath who was hit by a car last sunday as he crossed parramatta road to go into sydney uni.

and the response? "yeah. broke my back. s'ok. doesn't hurt that much."

i haven't seen him yet, but it's a helluva thing to happen. sucks a lot, despite the cavalier attitude and his self-prediction that everything will be completely normal again in six weeks. well, something useful could come of it - we'll probably be able to tell when a storm is imminent because heath's back will start to twinge. or something.

i'm bringing you some brownies tomorrow, achy-breaky-back person! they'll make anything better!

here we are at the beginning of the month again. time for the monthly roundup which i only do as a curio, a mini time capsule for posterity that does nothing to enhance the social structure or shed light on anything interesting whatsoever. and also cos it's my blog and i'll write useless trivia if i want to (you would write too if it happened to you).

:)

books:
harry potter and the order of the phoenix by jk rowling
yay yay and double yay for teenaged angst.

night watch by terry pratchett
revolutionaries ahoy!

a call to spiritual reformation by da carson
have only read the first couple of chapters, as it is quite heavy going, but an excellent book that inspires change.

the feel of steel by helen garner
i revisited this while looking for a passage to read at a reading night recently - i can't recommend this book enough, it is just so blunt and bare and rich and full and garner is a constant inspiration to me.

movies:
charlie's angels: full throttle
oh boy how i loved this. absolute silliness and escapism. heath and i giggled our way through it.

terminator 3: rise of the machines
also absolute silliness and escapism and extremely cool. claire danes rocks!

so many other movies i wanted to see but haven't. oh for more time and more money!

dvd:
minority report
watched this again - was surprised again by how much i enjoyed it (i'm not a huge cruise or spielberg fan by default). gorgeous art direction and a decent story to boot! watched a lot of the supplemental stuff which was fascinating (yes, i'm one of those nerds).

8 femmes
now this was surreal. fun and totally farcical and i loved the costumes, and i couldn't help giggling when it ended with the actresses all lined up, singing a song about death. it just seemed so right.

also had a west wing fest with old school friends claire and jo - oh, the memories...

latest cooking triumph:
the world's best brownies. helluva lot of chocolate. mmmm...