Love and depression

Just read this article: Why love won't cure your depression

Interesting perspective, though the whole hook up scenario she describes isn't valid in my case (it does, however, remind me of the counsellor I had once who said it was a shame I didn't agree with sex outside marriage because a good shag would do wonders for my endorphins...that was when I decided to stop seeing her and found a Christian counsellor. Clearly the 'good shag' solution doesn't work for the author of this article either).

I don't like the 'happy ever after' ending, which is probably a bit tongue in cheek but kind of reads like the author didn't know how to end the article. And doesn't really say anything about what if you don't end up in a relationship.

But I do agree it's important to work on depression outside of a romantic relationship (whether or not you ever have one) and not to believe that falling in love or even being in a relationship will cure you. It's also hard to know, when you're a depressive in a relationship, how much of the stuff you deal with is just normal relationship stuff and how much is warped by your depression (or their depression).

I would add to this, as a Christian, that it's important to keep speaking the truth to yourself that your identity is in Christ and not in your relationship. It's something most Christians are sure of, on an intellectual level, but on an emotional level it can be all too easy to get sidetracked and put too much value on what someone else thinks of you. That's not to say that what your spouse or love interest thinks of you isn't important, of course it is. But what they think of you (whether good or bad) does not alter what Jesus thinks of you. And he loves you, more than any human ever could. That is so reassuring.

not hyperbole at all

I know some of you have read today's Hyperbole and a Half post already, but I just want to point you to it if you don't follow Allie's blog. It's a completely unvarnished description of her experience living with depression over the past year and even though it isn't the same as my experience, there are some things that really resonate, particularly the crying thing ("Why are you crying?" "I don't know. It's just something that's happening") and the trying to make the appropriate expressions when talking to people but not being able to really engage.

I'm not sure if it's one of those things that I should say trigger warning about, but, well, there. I've said it (but it doesn't end badly). It's also a pretty huge read (both length-wise and emotionally), even though it has pictures, so maybe read it when you've got a bit of time. And stick with it to the end.

Depression Part Two

PS I laughed about the corn. Maybe it's like a depression shibboleth or something, if you understand her reaction to the corn. I also like that we both obviously have the same experience of the couch.

from Eating the Blues

As a comic or piece of writing, Allie's post sits alongside Kinds of Blue pretty well. I recall some of the feedback we got when we were asking for endorsements around the place was that parts of KOB were really dark and may not be helpful to those suffering depression. We countered that we were trying to reflect and describe the experience of depression to people who had no understanding of it, but also to encourage people who do feel that way that they aren't alone; I think Allie does that really well. I dislike that notion of tiptoeing around people who are depressed, as though talking in real terms about what it feels like is too dangerous. Although I guess I haven't had years as a counsellor or trying to help people who are much worse off than me and I guess many people do experience triggers that make situations worse for them. I don't know. But I guess that's where having your own blog is a good thing, because you can write and draw about what it's like for you, and you don't need anyone to authorise that.

Edit to add:
Someone told me about the encouragement that this blog was to a friend last night, especially in terms of thinking through living with depression as a Christian. I have to say that was the most humbling thing ever. If anything I've ever written has helped someone stick it out then it's been worth it!

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