weird. just got an email from a friend (slightly long-lost, but maybe more slightly misplaced for a time) who had read a story of mine that was 'loosely modelled' on a period of time we spent together.

i went back and read it. ouch.

this is the problem - i tend to loosely model most of my writing on actual experience...call me crazy, but it seems to work. not that any of it is strictly autobiographical, it's usually a pastiche of people, places and events. it gets tricky then, when friends identify themselves in my work and are not necessarily thrilled with the representation.

just rest assured, if it ever happens to you and i'm the one who wrote it, i'm sorry if i caused offence and i really understand that the event didn't really happen that way, and that you never owned a blue dress and that you don't even like coffee. you can take whatever cautionary lesson you'd like out of it, or just reject it altogether, I don't mind.

but what did you think of the story? :)

ah, j, i'm glad you read it. i miss sparring with you.

ah. getting a sense of equilibrium back. it's good to be at home on a cloudy friday, with a big cup of coffee, quietness, inspiration firing and lunch imminent.

i thought i would work on the last edits of my creative manuscript this morning, as i still haven't got my head around the critical essay and thought it would be better to work on something than to just while away the morning with frippery as i normally do. and, wonder of wonders, i'm actually enjoying the piece now! i have hated it pretty much the whole time i've been writing it, but now, looking at it after a month of leaving it alone, i can see some merit.

which is not to say i'm entirely satisfied with it, but then i don't think i ever will be.

thinking about a fellowship in the uk i want to apply for next year, where i would have the opportunity to write a book dealing with some aspect of life in the 'far east' (which to us actually living in australia is pretty much 'here') - so my work would fit in perfectly. i'm trying not to think about the potential playing field and who else might also apply for this fellowship, but am telling myself that of course my work is as worthy as any for consideration. so all the positive reinforcement from my friends is actually starting to sink in, after all this time. :)

timewise, i'm tottering on quite a thin precipice it feels, and if i try to step back for any perspective i might just fall off. so i have to keep chipping away at my thesis, at work, at various other commitments, and hope that they all stay balanced. probably not too healthy, but in a couple of months the academic pressure will be gone and i won't know what to do with myself! can't wait!!

why is it that everything is always due at the same time? does the universe conspire to bring about this situation? i have the deadline for my thesis, the fellowship application and the big conference for my work in canberra all falling at the same time. couldn't they have been spread out a bit? is that too much to ask?

whoa, wobbling a bit here. might stop thinking about it and go and make lunch. food helps everything. :)

well it did rain yesterday, a little bit. big clouds looming now, and there's supposed to be a thunderstorm this afternoon, which would be delightful.

so now, the month that was.

books:
gangland by mark davis
really for uni, had it on loan for a month without opening it and now have had to renew it three times because i keep procrastinating. finally got around to reading it, and enjoyed it - all about 'generationalism', cultural elites, and the role the media has in pushing the conflict between perceived generational groups. the book itself is not without problems - davis rants about how certain minority groups and genres are given short shrift and then ignores evidence (no matter how small) to the contrary. case in point, according to my supervisor paul - davis carries on about the negative press given to young writers and grunge lit in an edition of meanjin and totally ignored an article in that same edition written by my (young) supervisor in defence of grunge lit. but those things aside, davis raises some interesting points and it's all very easy to read. :)

movies:
legally blonde 2
oh, such a shame. could have been much much better. i still had fun, but hated that feeling you get in a sequel when you're waiting for it to deviate even a little bit from the original film. the last third of the movie was better, but most of it just seemed like quite a feeble rehash of the first (which I loved).

pirates of the carribean
in contrast, here is a film i loved every single bit of, even if it was based on a theme park ride.

dvd:
daredevil
bek hadn't seen it and although i hated it at the cinema, i thought perhaps i had been too harsh. but no, i stick to my original position. another movie that could have been much much better but was so disjointed and badly put together that it made me cringe all over again.

chocolat
bek hadn't seen this either, but i was more than happy to see it again. must be something about johnny depp...and irish accents...

labyrinth
and david bowie in tights (but this is for humour, not phwoar value). tee hee.

latest retail therapy kick:
i don't know why, but i came over all girly and had a sudden desire to play with makeup. i found benefit and alas, all was lost; i just wanted to be a 50s screen siren.

also there's remo for overpriced but funky stuff. haven't bought anything from here yet, but just like looking at it all. i used to go into the shop when it was in darlinghurst and dream of having enough money to buy everything in the shop. that day has still not arrived...i wonder if i'm doing something wrong...

first group activity at my new house:
(nerd alert) a day of gaming! bek and heath and i played vampire in a world that looked suspiciously like guelph (well it would have, except bek scribbled out any identifiable place names), chasing after precious artefacts, busting drug lords and stealing motorbikes. true to form, heath played the nosferatu with a heart of gold, i played the tremere with no idea, and ben rolfe arrived late in the piece and played a malkav who liked to take cars apart. time passed very quickly.