family and matrimony

well here we are, my dad, me, my brother and my mother at kate and iain's wedding. nic scrubs up pretty well (he ought to, the suit cost a fortune).

it's kind of funny going places as a family, especially to events like that one where there were lots of people who have known us all for years but haven't really had much to do with us since my parents divorced. people are never quite sure how to behave around us, in a don't-mention-the-war kind of way. like one woman, notorious for letting the words tumble out before thinking:

"Victor! I had to come up and say how beautiful your children are! I hope you're taking good care of your lovely family! Your beautiful children! And your beautiful..." pause, as she looked at my mother and the penny dropped. "...Rachel!" and then she turned tail and ran.

still we had a relatively good night. kate is an old friend from childhood and we're all a bit like cousins. she was thrilled to have us there and i was more choked up seeing her come down the aisle than i was at any of my actual cousins' weddings. iain is from manchester, and they've gone back there for a few years to live. he seems like a lovely guy.

it gets stranger as i get older and people much younger than me are getting married. and having children! it seems a situation that's quite far away from me really, whether i want to be in it or not. i wonder how people know they're ready for that phase of life. have they suddenly become responsible adults with savings and insurance and all that wordly stuff? or do they just jump in together 'for better or worse' and see what happens? if and when i get married, that's how it's going to have to be for me; i'll be waiting forever if i have to grow up first! :)

as long as my brother keeps dragging me up to dance, though, i'll be happy going to weddings with him.

scientifically proven

she's got the look, and science can prove it

and so, apparently, have i.

In the first study of its kind, Caucasians and Asians rated average Eurasian faces as more attractive than average faces of either race. They also judged Eurasian faces to be healthier, giving credence to theory that beauty is not solely determined by culture and the media, but has biological origins.

(i found this most amusing, and so did both my parents. i ran around all weekend going "it's scientifically proven!!!")

a latent star

i love singing. just had a rehearsal with cam, john and nina for winterfest at our church this saturday and i just love singing 3 part harmonies and the like. i wish i had more confidence to sing solo; i can belt it out on my own but i kind of hide behind the music stand when i'm in front of a crowd.

which is really weird, given my theatrical experience and my love of being onstage as much as being backstage - i suspect i was always a better stage manager than actor but i can't deny i enjoyed acting. my favourite roles (mainly because they didn't cast me as the disapproving matronly type, which is all i ever seemed to get for a while because i think a) i looked older than mostly everyone else at uni, and b) i wasn't a size 6 Pretty Girl):

• Ophelia in Aoise Stratford's Ophelia's Hamlet, because she was cranky and sarcastic and not at all waify and or insane


• the spirit of the island in Bek's Tempests because I got to wear the most fantastic blue corseted gown with a huge skirt, and I got to sing a gorgeous song solo


• the chick in me and my friend (can't believe I've forgotten her name...was it robyn?) because anthea took a chance on me and gave me a really meaty role, even if i did get really sick from overdoing it. also i got to act with bryoni, neil and ben and they were a brilliant cast.

i reckon most of the people who know me now would be surprised to think i had ever done any of that stuff. as i've said many times before, if given the chance (and if i had the time) i'd love to do more theatre again.

and back to the music thing i'd also love to be in a band, not necessarily a band that got any real gigs or anything, just a bunch of decent musos who loved to jam and who i felt comfortable jamming with. i've always felt just a little intimidated by people who can play really well. i'm starting to feel like the bunch of musos at church could do that, but we're very scatty and our focus does not stay on any one thing. and i hate being the person who has to pull stuff together, i'd like to be in a band with a strong leader but who let everyone have enough space to play.

just small requests.

go go gadget widget

i am an apple nerd! i love dashboard! i now have a blogging widget and a widget that does fridge poetry and and and... i love dashboard.

the reason computers were created: to generate endless numbers of trivial procrastinatory tools.

(this is for Heath...nobody else will understand it, most likely)

Brick: I love... carpet.
[pause]
Brick: I love... desk.
Ron Burgundy: Brick, are you just looking at things in the office and saying that you love them?
Brick: I love lamp.
Ron: Do you really love the lamp, or are you just saying it because you saw it?
Brick: I love lamp! I love lamp.

restlessness and contentment

it's probably the weather and the time of year and all that stuff, but i get the strange feeling that i'm approaching a crossroads again. what am i doing, why am i living in sydney, why aren't i writing, should i switch tracks, am i getting too comfortable? i've put down roots in sydney, in kensington, and i don't know if that is necessarily wise, and if it's just because i'm unadventurous or lazy.

having grown up in sydney, port moresby and singapore, and regularly visiting family in malaysia, i never really felt a burning desire to go on a gap year after school, or even go backpacking. yet i have friends who grew up as missionary kids (MKs to the uninitiated) who assume they will end up living somewhere overseas, whether as missionaries or not. i'm not saying i'm tied to australia; if opportunities came up elsewhere and it was clear i should take them, then i'd go. but i don't make plans with the thought that i could move even out of sydney, let alone interstate or overseas.

our church has always had a fairly transitory congregation. there is a core bunch, but many people come and go every couple of years. even the very nature of ministry can be quite transitory - every two years or so we get a new student minister, but it also means we lose the last one and his/her family. and the minister can move on too, which is always a big upheaval, and worse if you're good friends. at the end of this year i know a few of my close friends will be moving on (finishing uni, going overseas, etc) and that's quite confronting really. aside from the fact that i'll miss them dreadfully, it makes me question why i stay.

same as uni - when uni finished, a lot of my friends scattered. they went interstate to drama schools, or overseas for work. i moved to the inner west...not exactly the other side of the world.

i don't think this is a huge dilemma. but sometimes i feel like i don't fit here and i wonder why i have attached myself so tightly to this place and whether, by looking at the close-up view of life as i live it, i'm closing myself off to other things that might be visible in a wide-angle lens, so to speak.

but then, equally, i have to balance that questing with being content and effective in ministry where i am now, not always thinking about being somewhere else.