blips

i'm feeling kind of inadequate. like i fell asleep and forgot what i was doing and suddenly i woke up to realise that everything has moved along so fast and i have been moving so slowly that nothing i knew is even familiar and i don't know anyone at all anymore.

it's a blip then it's gone. thankfully.

micro vs macro

Hebrews 11:8-16
By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God.

By faith Abraham, even though he was past age—and Sarah herself was barren—was enabled to become a father because he considered him faithful who had made the promise. And so from this one man, and he as good as dead, came descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as countless as the sand on the seashore.

All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.

why do i worry about what i have or don't have? God has prepared a city for us! somewhere we will belong, where we won't be "aliens and strangers" anymore (some days I feel more like an alien than others... :) ) the things of this world "grow strangely dim" when you start to think even for a moment about where you'll be for eternity.

we're working through a sermon series on John at church, and last week Jeremy was going over the point that Jesus is the only way to God, that there is no other name by which we can be saved. he said something along the lines of "any road will do if you don't know where you're going".

i'm going to the city God has prepared, i know which road to take. the challenge is to keep that huge goal in sight and not to get distracted by things at my micro level that might cause me to wander. in some ways it seems incredible that anyone could get distracted from that goal, but us humans have the habit of being rather self-obsessed, prone to paranoia and doubt. and as i have to keep remembering, God's plan in all of creation is not to make me happy, and yet by following him and living in the light of his promises, I find he cares for me and provides for me in ways much better than i could have devised for myself.

blast from the past

i went to aoise's website for a little look around and found this pic of gavin, me and heath in the programme shots for Ophelia's Hamlet. from 1998!!! that was so much fun, aoise's plays were always mad and everyone was unslept and a little crazy. i have a great fondness for Ophelia's Hamlet and Black Saturday...i wish i was better acquainted with aoise's stuff since then.

although i'm still disappointed that despite that card-game-obsessed company i still can't play a decent game of 500.

the neutralising effects of comfort food

mmm. peppermint slice makes it all okay.

i was going to start a big rant about life in general and sadnesses and frustrations but i just had two pieces of the absolutely perfect peppermint slice camilla made last night and i feel a lot less ranty. (i was supposed to help make it but ended up lying in the foetal position on my bed. i have promised to be more involved when we make cheese scones, which is the next thing on our list to do)

i dropped a glass of orange juice on the floor this morning. i was quite amazed at the enthusiasm with which it exploded, leaving juice all up the doorposts and fridge and tiny little slivers of glass everywhere. it was not a good start to the day, which involved a lot of similarly frustrating things, including a blocked kitchen sink and lots of horrible data entry.

now, however, soothed by the peppermint and chocolate, i am taking my robin hobb book (which i have been desperate to read, but unable to because i have been so busy and sleep-deprived of late), and some coconut bubble bath and am going to my mother's house to have a long hot bath. and then probably a glass of wine and mum's asparagus and chicken risotto for dinner, which is some of the best comfort food i know. it also has mushrooms and white wine and pine nuts in it. mmm.

maybe i should have another bit of peppermint slice before i go.

coming down

KASM is over and we survived - hurrah! having exclaimed thusly, i also feel quite sad that it's done with now. not sure if there will ever be another one - i hope there will be, but john may not be around next year so running it without would be a problem. or extremely different, at the very least. but the kids were all so great and we had such fun, i agree with john when he says he could easily do another week of it - "not physically, though".

i seem, however, to have lost the ability to sleep in. and that's even when i'm really really tired. i stayed up reading last night till 2.00 and the longest i could stay in bed this morning was 9am. it's very disappointing - sleeping in used to be my favourite thing. but when a beautiful sunny day unfolds like this one, i want to be out in it.

maybe i'll do a compromise - open the window to let the fresh air in, make some coffee, get back into bed and read a bit more. mmm.

end the insanity

i...am...so...tired.

it's KASM at church this week (Kids at St Martin's for those who weren't around last year). Last year it was me, john, mims and bek as full time leaders with a few volunteers popping in here and there. this year it's me and john. and the volunteers so far have all been younger than 13. they are excellent helpers but i feel bad giving them so much to do when there are able bodied adults who could easily help us in this ministry. anyway.

it's only tuesday and i'm already worn out! i have no real problem with it being understaffed except for the fact that you just can't stop. i don't mind being around the kids all day, and i don't mind interacting with them all day, i just get annoyed that you can't even have five minutes to go to the bathroom or have a cup of tea or anything. 8.30 - 5.30 is rawther a long day.

having said that, it's a brilliant bunch of kids. they all get on really well and they're easy to teach and have fun with. they pick up and remember the concepts really well and most of them are quite familiar with the concepts of sin and salvation, which is amazing.

i just hope john and i don't kill each other by the end of the week. we both get quite grumpy when we're tired...