Wednesday, 31 May 2006


Too much nudity, protests Paris quoted Hilton as saying: "I took the part on the assurance I wouldn't do any nudity. I wanted to do something where I'd be taken seriously, and they added a load of scenes with naked girls.

"I was so angry I snubbed my own premiere."

i can see why she's upset. after all, if i'd gotten a role in a movie called National Lampoon's Pledge This! i'd be expecting to see at least a golden globe coming my way. in fact, i think meryl streep may have gotten her start in a similar fashion...

Friday, 26 May 2006

technology for hermits - hooray!

although i didn't get to see anything at the writer's festival, it is quite pleasing to see that they have got streaming video of many sessions, including a Meet the Writers schools' session with Neil Gaiman, and his graphic books session with Audrey Niffenegger. and lots of other interesting stuff to explore too. and it's free! BigPond Sydney Writers' Festival

Wednesday, 17 May 2006

the naive writer

i know it is not a prerequisite by any means, but it seems somehow remiss of me that I am a writer and have never been to a single event of the Sydney Writer's Festival - even when it's someone i really want to see (I can't go to this, even though it will be great i'm sure, as i have something on that night).

a little naively perhaps, when i decided that writing was for the thing for me, that i would take it seriously and not just as a hobby, the solitary nature of writing appealed to me. i liked the idea that i could invent and inhabit worlds on my own, without needing the constructs of a 'scene' or the need to sell myself (as in, say, theatre - although i loved the idea of working in theatre and knew i'd be good at it, the cutthroat competition of it all kind of terrified me). of course now i realise that this is true for the actual production of the work but not so much for any other aspect of being a writer.

and it still upsets me that i haven't been able to write for quite some time now - so even the production side of writing is eluding me. it might sound a bit like an excuse, as though i haven't tried, but honestly i've tried. i can write in my journal, so that's important, but as for creating anything new or saying anything interesting or being able to create out of what i'm going through (which used to be second nature)...i grind to a halt. i haven't written anything longer than a couple of pages since i wrote my MA thesis, and certainly nothing that's remotely polished enough to let anyone else read. it might sound like i'm being hard on myself, but it's like i'm missing a limb or something - this used to be no effort at all and now it seems impossible.

it's something i want to talk about with eri (the psychologist) but we're still wading through a bunch of other stuff so i keep forgetting to bring it up. an hour goes very fast once you start talking! but then part of me wonders whether the writing will start to flow again when the muck of all this emotional debris gives way a bit more. it's kind of a frustrating process, the counselling, because i know it's helping but it's also bringing up so much stuff that it feels like going backwards sometimes. as mum says, it's probably a bit like lancing a boil, that you need to get all this awful stuff out before it can heal.

i'm starting to feel a bit more in control, and have some days that are less sad than others. i'm trying not to alienate people (and having limited success with that) but also trying to look after myself. i figure the people who love me will understand and let me get through it without dropping me because of erratic or irrational behaviour.

most of the time, all i want to do is sleep. :)

Wednesday, 10 May 2006

bits and pieces

first off, a big shout out to jo and claire, who keep up to date with my life by reading this blog. makes me feel kind of...famous. or slack that we so rarely get together. we three actually managed to reunite last night with tara and peter for a bit of an ad hoc school reunion over wine at the clock hotel and thai food at prasit's. very good evening, even with the not-so-heavenly-but-still-delicious-heaven-beef and even without the banana flower chicken salad thingy (which claire had been hanging out for, but which they had sold out of). it just means we'll have to go back another time.

second, it rained today. hurrah! the sky went all sepia toned and the light was quite strange for about 15 minutes, kind of the way it was before the big hail storm in 2000. thankfully it didn't hail, but it is so nice to be rugged up and inside and it to be cold and wet outside. i don't know if i like this weather because it makes me feel grateful for having somewhere warm to be, or if it's mainly because i feel more comfortable in long sleeves and layers than i do when it's hot. i always feel ungainly and inelegant in the summertime; i've never been able to carry off the short, light, sundress kind of look. i'm much more a clump-around-in-boots and look-mysterious-in-a-trenchcoat kind of person (well i like to think it's mysterious rather than dodgy...dave reckons i look like i'm about to do a drug deal of some sort, but stacie assures me i'm tres chic without even trying...think i'll go with stacie's opinion on this one).

though i do like dressing up. i got to wear my birthday dress and shoes again last weekend at emma and stuart's wedding. i did the music during the ceremony and sang a song ('holy') during the signing of the register - which is quite nerve-wracking really when there's a whole church full of people listening to you as the soundtrack to this picture-perfect moment. but the song went really well and emma gave me a huge grin from across the church as i finished, so i think she approved. it was a really lovely wedding, probably the nicest i've ever been to. the families were all so joyful and close knit and there was no awkwardness in the room, and emma and stuart just looked so incredibly happy. the reception was at athol hall, near taronga zoo, with beautiful sunset views across the harbour.

and in a break with tradition, i will leave you with some pics (i am so enamoured of my camera, it goes everywhere with me now...). this is emma and stuart, looking gorgeous, and then danielle, me and catherine, in front of the aforementioned sunset harbour view.