I used to like being awake at 2am.

Yep. It's almost 2am and I'm wide awake.

This is the problem when I start to think through things that I am not yet in a position to change. I lie awake, making pro/con lists in my head, trying to define what it is I want, trying to pin something down. Invariably, I have to get up and write some of these things down, just to get them out of my head so I can stop thinking about them.

So I lie back down and turn off the light.

Okay, so all I managed to do was make a bunch of space for newer, more random thoughts to come flitting in there. Except these ones aren't nice. They are panicky thoughts. They tighten my throat, make my heart beat faster, make me cry. They make me want to cut and run, just to escape.

I get up and I read my Bible. I am reminded of God's sovereignty, how he is using me in each and every situation, how I do not need to worry - for "who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" (Matt 6:27) My heart slows. The tears dry. I feel that peace and comfort I know only God can give.

So I lie back down and turn off the light.

But then...

Lather, rinse, repeat.