Winter blankness

Our backyard in winter

I'm sick of feeling flat, tired and just blank. Lately I've been catching sight of my face in the mirror and thinking, "I look so old." I think it's actually more that I look blank, and there's no spark in my eyes. I make a huge effort to connect and be present when I'm with people, and at the moment it wipes me out so much. When it's just me and my reflection, there are no smiles. It'll pass I know. It's just a bit startling to see this grey person looking back at me.

It's such a gorgeous day today...was supposed to go to a wedding but just couldn't manage. I suspected it would make me feel more down, and I don't think anyone in the midst of happily getting married wants to see someone sad or know that their day was making someone feel bad. So I didn't go.

Instead I went outside and got some sun and swept up leaves and did laundry. Simple things but it's always good to be outside and good to feel like I achieved something with the morning. 

And now I'm exhausted. I hate that I just don't have more in the tank. But I guess that's the good thing about weekends and about knowing how to care for yourself, even just a bit. You can just lie on the couch in the sun, blogging on your ipad, and that is a perfectly valid thing to do.