I was alone in the office all day, which sometimes is nice but today I felt bitter about having to drive 45 minutes to get there and be alone (when I could have done everything I needed to do on my laptop at home). I didn't realise just how much I would miss my two colleagues who finished up with us last week. The fact that nobody else was in the office made the loss feel worse. Also we had farewelled JG at church last night. So it just feels like people are moving on all around me. Even though the changes are much huger for each of the people involved, I think we underestimate the grief we can feel when people we see or talk to almost every day are suddenly not in your life anymore, and it's not for any bad reason like a break up or death. All I want to do is hide under my doona until I feel strong enough to deal with it. But who knows when that would be?
I ate a huge lunch which was tasty but of course did not compensate. Then I went on an errand before going home but mistimed it so I was stuck in peak hour traffic for over an hour, feeling sorry for myself.
My life is not bad. Tomorrow will be a better day (I hope). I would just like to rule a line under this one and write it off.
