retained!

Came home from work yesterday to find my neighbours in the front yard, and half a retaining wall up! How wonderful is that?

Today mid afternoon A was back to finish the job. I helped screw the rails to the posts and dug up the liriope. And now, ta dah! "Looks like a bought one!" A kept saying. We're very proud.

I love that we were able to re-use the railway sleepers from his yard, and replant the liriope under the camellias. It only cost us the price of the rapid set cement and the long screws for treated pine. It's also really nice to work alongside someone and bond that way. I'll take the guys out for dinner when A is back from China; he's already put in a bid for going to a churrascaria.

Neighbourly

We really won the lottery with our neighbour, A. He's a lovely guy, very friendly and gregarious. The best part is, he is super handy. He's basically got a life membership at Bunnings, and has done all sorts of amazing things to his house. We regularly commiserate over the strange things we find leftover from the previous owners (who owned the whole property then re-divided it into semis when they sold). Strange wiring, weird not-quite-legit things...but between the two of us we're putting things to rights and making two lovely spaces. He's always very proud of things he's done around the place and will tell me in great detail; I think his boyfriend isn't that interested in the detail so A's glad to have a willing audience in me.

My backyard cabin is going in next week (hurrah!) and I needed to cut some of the old timber railing away and move some plants. I asked if I could borrow A's chainsaw and muscles; he came over with his chainsaw and his boyfriend (I guess he's the muscle) and they spent a few hours replanting raphis palms and cutting down anything I asked them to and doing a much better job than I would have on my own. I gave him a bottle of wine to say thanks, but I don't think he expected anything. It's quite something.

I told him over the fence today that we're getting the driveway resurfaced in a few weeks too.

"What about the retaining wall?" he asked. He's been talking about building us a retaining wall in the front yard with the leftover railway sleepers from the deck he took up in his backyard. "You'll have to do that before the driveway. Well...how about this weekend? I've got some time. We can come over and...you'll need rapid set cement and these long bolts...why don't I just get them from Bunnings for you and you can pay me back?" A quick chat with his boyfriend and they're all set to come over and...build me a retaining wall.

But the thing is - he's going to China for work on Sunday for a month! So this is their last few days together and he's willing to come over and do stuff in my yard. I don't quite know how to repay him. He says he loves doing landscaping and gets a lot of pleasure out of it. But I'm still so grateful for his generosity. And muscles.

Neighbourhood Watch

I missed the worst of it apparently, but came home from church to hear the next door neighbours in the middle of World War 3.

The highlight was: "You swear...your son didn't start swearing until you swore at me! You swear at me and your son thinks he can talk to me like that!" pause, then, "I don't give a shit about the neighbours! We're happier when you're not here!"

There were just several loud bangs, like doors slamming. I really hope nobody is hurt. We know from past experience with other neighbours that the cops don't come for domestic disturbances...so what do you do? It is so awful.

Okay now he's gone absolutely mental and is screaming his head off. I want to call the cops but mum really doesn't want me to. I know it's not my business but it is! It should be, shouldn't it? Shouldn't someone intervene?

Who lives like this?!

fractured

We're pretty lucky here in our little Maroubran house. We have light, we have space, we have nice neighbours...

Well, sort of.

I've already written about the lovely Victor who lives to the right of us. There is an Asian family to the left, who seem friendly enough, though we haven't had much to do with them and they do that insane ranting in Cantonese that sounds like a fight but is actually joking around. I'm used to that sound, so it doesn't bother me, though it can get noisy at times.

What does bother me is the sound of our back neighbours.

It is a family, mum, dad, a boy of about three and a toddler girl. And they hate each other. Most mornings, I wake up to the sound of the mother screaming at the little boy. Literally screaming at him; she opens her mouth and the most awful sounds just come pouring out. The child inevitably starts wailing at an unbelievable volume, and if the father is home he will often chip in with a few expletives or mock the child's crying (either mimicking him or saying things like "you sound like a stupid girl").

Most afternoons it continues. I'll often be out in the garden doing some weeding and have to go inside because the sound of them hollering in hatred at one another is an assault on the senses, and it wrenches my heart.

"I'm NOT in the mood for you today! I'M NOT IN THE MOOD! Get out! Get out!" The mother will yell. So the kid goes outside, plays with his sister, ends up hitting her or pushing her, the mother comes storming out, "Did you hit her?" *whack!* "Get lost! I'm not in the mood for you!"

Yeah sure the kid sounds like a pain in the neck, but honestly, what model has he had to go on? A pair of parents who can't stand one another, who routinely scream and swear and yell at one another (and then demand to know why the child is screaming, swearing or yelling). It's not like one person is more aggressive than the other; they are both nightmares. One of the worst fights I (unintentionally) overheard was late one night between the parents over money, and I honestly couldn't tell whether I needed to call the cops. I don't think anyone was being hit, but if someone was I didn't know whether it was him or her who needed help.

There's no love. No affection. No tenderness. The mother seems to speak to the baby girl in kinder tones, but I can't imagine that will last beyond the kid starting to talk. They either have no idea how audible they are, or they don't care. When they went on holidays between Christmas and New Year, there was untold peace and harmony in the neighbourhood. As soon as they returned, the battle resumed.

I know it's not my business, but it is just an awful thing to be near. I pray for them, but it's hard to know how, or what to pray for. It's a misery, and I'll bet neither of them thought that this was what their lives would become when they got married. So good relationships are to be treasured, even when they're hard; when there's love and trust and respect and commitment at the heart of it, you know that you can weather the minor bumps. When you don't have those things, the minor bumps become fractures and breaks until the thing is so damaged it can never be repaired.

I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

love thy neighbour

I met my next door neighbour the other day. We've been living here over a month now and I hadn't introduced myself to anyone, but he was outside watering his garden when I got out of my car so I went over and introduced myself.

"I am Bictor." he said. "And my wife is Berrrrta." He has a lovely accent, not sure where it's from. "If ju need anything, anytime, ju come and knock at our door. And the same in reverse, we will come and knock jore door."

"Of course!"

"That's how we do."

"Very neighbourly."

"That's right."

"You have a beautiful garden, by the way. I admire it every day. We're trying to do something with ours, but it's horrible..."

He grinned. "Well, it's okay, the weeds are coming up."

Then the loveliest thing happened yesterday. I was just about to leave the house when the doorbell rang. There was Victor, holding a big bunch of fragrant white lilies.

"Hello, I thought ju might like this. Is the time for them now, so I thought..."

"Wow! They're beautiful! I might take some to my mum in hospital."

He shrugged and smiled. "Dey are jurs now, ju can do whatever ju like."

Mum told me to keep them here, so I've got them in a large vase on the dining room table which you can see as you walk down the hallway. Every time I look at them, I think about how wonderful it is to have good neighbours. I've lived so long in places where the neighbours were unfriendly, where you'd smile at people and they'd look right through you, and if you needed help you'd have to think twice before knocking on anyone else's door. So it's good to know someone might be looking out for us. And it reminds me how important it is to be a good neighbour, even if it just means saying hello and smiling when you see people on the street.

Bringing flowers is just above and beyond and very much appreciated.

neighbourhood watch

I haven't really known what to write lately. Been staring out of windows a lot (my current view is pictured above - look beyond the bars...it's quite a nice tree to look at). Moving house and fitting it in with everyday life is just so exhausting. But the good news is I have finally gotten to the end of the really busy time; looking at my diary and seeing blank space is just bliss!

Apparently, mum tells me, we are the subject of intense neighbourhood speculation. The house we are living in was formerly inhabited by members of the Sydney Swans. Needless to say, mum and I are a lot less...boisterous than a bunch of footy players. So one of the neighbours bowled up to mum at the bus stop yesterday and told her that 'everyone' was really pleased that we had moved in and it wasn't more noisy boys.

Now every time I leave the house I wonder whether someone is watching me...

gardening: bringing people together

It was a beautiful day today, the perfect autumn day with a bright blue sky and cool air. I planted a Chinese jasmine plant on the awful bare walkway that runs along the side of our building. It ends under my kitchen window, so I put the plant in an old strawberry pot and twined the young shoots around the rusty railings. Hopefully by springtime, it will be covered in flowers and will have advanced a bit further along the railing. It's already made such a difference to how it looks out there, and I know I won't really see it except for when I go out to take the garbage down, but it at least makes the area look less dismal and like someone cares about it. I've been hesitant to do it in all the years I've lived here in case someone stole the plants, but I thought it was worth a try anyway.

While I was doing this, one of my neighbours was coming up from the laundry and we often smile at one another in passing but haven't really spoken much aside from saying 'hello'. We had a brief chat where she discovered my name was Rebecca and I discovered her name was Nikki (or Nicky, or Nicki) and she seemed delighted at my planting idea (she also has plants on the walkway outside her flat upstairs). I had also hung a lovely big pink bougainvillea hanging basket outside the kitchen window and she said she'd been admiring it yesterday. She then went upstairs and brought down a tiny little strawberry plant seedling she had growing up on her balcony for me to put in the strawberry pot! I thought that was so lovely. Amazing how the slightest little touch of neighbourly friendliness can go such a long way.

By the same token, the slightest touch of neighbourly unfriendliness can give you a lasting negative impression of someone. The guy who lives on the top floor has been consistently...cool in his demeanour towards me. I wondered whether it had been because on my birthday last year, my brother and I were on the rooftop having a drink and a fairly quiet heart-to-heart, and he came up and asked us to leave. We did so, and I totally understand that he may have been trying to sleep or whatever, but he has never smiled or returned my greetings when we pass on the steps or in the street. He has a wife and baby too, and the wife seems to match his attitude. I thought it was just me, but Meg said that he had done the same to her when she and some friends were on the roof one evening having a chat and I realise that perhaps they just aren't very outgoing, and even border on the deliberately unfriendly.

I guess you can't win everyone over. But I'm determined to be as friendly as I can to my neighbours... we're all living so close to one another it seems ridiculous that we don't even know one anothers' names. And I've been thinking about how nice Nikki seems all afternoon - just from five minutes' contact. Goes to show how much positive connections with other people can affect your whole mood and outlook.