long weekend

It's been mostly a good long weekend, though I feel as though I've sleepwalked through most of it. Got up at 5.30am on Saturday to take John to the airport, then after breakfast (and a little WoW) I crashed til mid-afternoon.

That evening was Lucy's 33rd birthday party. A bunch of us turned up to the house that the Barrys are housesitting in Botany for burgers, white russians and sarsparilla in honour of Lu's favourite movie, The Big Lebowski. Mark set up the data projector and I brought speakers and we all had a great time watching the movie. I hadn't seen it since it first came out 10 years ago - it's no less hilarious than it was then.

I couldn't sleep that night. Sunday was also daylight savings, so we lost an hour. So by the time I got up and headed into the city for a City Writing Day at Customs House, I was kind of out of it. But it was good to have dedicated writing time with Karen and Guan, and even though I didn't write heaps I liked what I did write. We had lunch at Wagamama, wandered back to Pitt street, looked in Borders and K and I headed home. I realised we had lost track of time and I didn't have a chance to nap before music rehearsal at church.

That night was Sammi's baptism. She has been a Christian for 10 years, but decided that she wanted to make this public declaration of what Jesus has done in her life and what she believes. She read out her very moving testimony (which had me and George in tears), and I wanted to leap up and cheer as Kurt poured water over her head and baptised her. It was just such a beautiful, brave and hopeful act, and I hope so much that Sammi's friends and family were moved to think more about why she was doing it, and to find out more for themselves. I'm glad that I've gotten to know her better in the short time that I've been at Wild St; she is a great Christian sister (congrats Sammi!).

Today I slept til 11.30, which was bliss. I played WoW for a while, while I did my laundry and wondered whether I should be doing anything else. It was a weird day, weather-wise, grey and rainy, then brilliantly sunny, then rainy again and then windy. I think that may have had something to do with my restless and slightly sad mood. Mum and I had a late lunch at Bondi Junction, I bought some craft stuff, then came home, and made dinner and strudel for dessert (see next post). I feel much more peaceful now than I did earlier today - but the weekend's over now!

weekend

It's been a busy, up-and-down kind of week. One where I struggled with fluctuating emotion and energy levels but thankfully got through to the end and a really refreshing weekend. Some highlights of the week:

• Salt came back from the printer's this week, and we did a major mailout to over 4000 supporters. I was going to take a photo of all the boxes of envelopes, but really it isn't anything that needs to be immortalised. If you're an AFES supporter you should receive a copy of Salt and a 2009 wallplanner soon (designed by me!). If you're not a supporter and want a copy of either, let me know and I'll hook you up.

• I managed to get up at 6am on Wednesday for the second week in a row to go to pilates. Although it is counter-intuitive to my night-owl ways, I actually find it easier to make time for exercise in the morning than the afternoon. And it gives me a good energy/endorphin boost for the rest of the day. This coming week I'm going to try adding another class (pump, which I've never done before and is apparently all about weights) in the effort to trick myself into developing an exercise routine.

• On Thursday Karen and I went to Carriageworks to see the Sydney Dance Company. It's a fantastic space - I think in an earlier incarnation it was where I saw an excellent ATYP production of Henry V complete with live horses and mud filled battlefield - and set me to dreaming of hosting a steampunk ball there. If only I knew more than two other people who thought steampunk was cool, it might actually be a possibility...
  
  Anyway, K had managed to get $20 tickets to 360°. I knew nothing about it, and after seeing it I think I'd still have trouble describing it to you. It was dark, fluid, a little disturbing at times and made great use of two gigantic mirrored panels running at angles across the stage. It was fascinating, sure, and the dancers are incredibly talented. But I spent most of it fighting the urge to scream at two of the female dancers "EAT SOMETHING!" Talented, but way too thin. So that kind of distracted me too much throughout.
  
  I actually much preferred the 20 minute show that played in the lobby beforehand, called Love Instalment. It's part of what the SDC is calling its 'overture series', giving up and coming choreographers a chance to display their talents. There were five boxing rings set up throughout the foyer, each with a couple of dancers inside. They all danced independent sequences simultaneously to the sparse but driving musical accompaniment of violinist Nick Wales and drummer Bree van Reykand, and then occasionally the choreography would come together and all five stages would be working together to create a whole. I also liked standing on the ground and looking up at the performance, and thought the whole thing worked really well.
  
  It was also just great to hang out with K, eat a delicious dinner at Urban Bites and to do something out of the ordinary.
  
  
• Yesterday mum gave me back the study. I've been experimenting with different spaces through the house to work in but haven't been comfortable in any of them. Mum said I could use the study and she was happy to have her computer in her room. So I spent yesterday moving things around, tidying up and making a comfortable space. I love doing that, it makes me feel like I have a bit of control when things are hard to cope with in other spheres of my life.
  
  
• Today has been one of those wonderful gifts of a Sunday, quiet and sunny, with time to do my washing and sit in the sun and play the piano. And now I'm off to a music meeting at church where we're going to talk about why we do music ministry, and we'll also play through some new songs.

Hope you're enjoying your Sunday too!

I'm sure there was weekend in there somewhere

So I've pretty much settled into my new office downstairs. There's so much space, it's almost the exact opposite to what I had upstairs. This week Mark's on holidays and the other tenants haven't quite moved in yet, so I have this absolutely massive space all to myself. It's so much easier to concentrate, to just focus on a task until it's finished and get a lot of little bitsy things done. We're still working on keeping the communication flowing freely between the two offices and maintaining relationships. It's good, I guess - ducking upstairs every couple of hours to say hi is a tiny bit of exercise I wouldn't otherwise get!

The weekend seems so far away now, though. On Saturday I went to Word By Word (the Christian writing group), and Karen and I did a test run of our seminar on Writers and Editors that we'll be presenting at the Faithful Writer in a few weeks' time. I had been having a bit of a meltdown about my writing and abilities and just life generally, though, and hadn't been able to wrap my brain around it at all. Thankfully Karen was way more organised than me, had even printed me session notes, and we managed to get through it quite well. I had a little cry in the stairwell and then had to nap during writing time because I was just exhausted. But I needed Karen to say "I think you're burned out and shouldn't write today," for me to go 'hey I think I'm burned out and shouldn't write today'. Funny how we don't let ourselves off the hook sometimes, but seem to need others to tell us it's okay. Thank God for wonderful friends who know what it feels like and keep an eye on me!

I played Wii at Guan and Mary's for a while, and then went to Bondi Junction with mum to buy a computer game to distract me. I couldn't find Civ IV and ended up buying...er...the Sims Life Stories instead. It's a very pointless game. But it's kind of fun to just muck around, dressing up characters, building them houses, and seeing the Sims interact with one another. Though having played it for a little bit now, I'm kind of disturbed by the emphasis on physical relationships that didn't used to be there. And of course, there is no spiritual dimension to these Sims. I don't think that even occurred to me years ago when I used to play the Sims 1.

(Jen doesn't understand how I can enjoy such a game - I think she ranted once about how the Sims didn't do what you told them to, which is a little too much like real life for her liking - but there is something in it that allows me to detach myself from my rambling brain, I don't have to do or achieve anything. It's kind of like a computer version of playing around in the sandpit.)

Sunday was quiet and restful. I did several loads of washing, planted my desiree potatoes in the raised bed I made for them (happy potatoes!), and played with the cat in the sun. Mum and I went out in the late afternoon to buy her an electric blanket, and just twenty minutes in the Supacenta at Moore Park was enough to make me feel miserable again. That place just gets me down.

I headed off to Unichurch at 6.30 to hear Guan preach his first sermon, on the end of 1 John. It was a really good sermon, with lots of jokes that I wasn't the only one laughing at (mum and I have earned ourselves a reputation as a 'good audience' because we'll laugh at any joke in a sermon, no matter how lame (though yours weren't lame, G)), and good, solid challenges and encouragements.

Then home again, home again, jiggity jig and the weekend had evaporated, just like that.

Saturday night - do do dooo do do do do

After my stupid wrong-bus-catching-and-subsequent-walk-home I didn't have time to have a nap, but pretty much went straight on to Catherine's surprise birthday dinner at the Doncaster. I only stayed a couple of hours, but long enough to get some pics and cuddles with my goddaughter and lovely friends.






My head pounding, I excused myself after dinner, came home and got straight into my trackies.

Saturday in the park with mum

Mum and I went to Peter's of Kensington to buy Catherine's birthday present with the last of a gift voucher I was given. Boy, but you really see some caricatures of entitlement in that place, in particular the bridezillas with their clipboards swanning around making up bridal registry lists, their bored fiancés in tow. We had panini for lunch, then caught the bus into the city.

We got off the bus at Circular Quay just outside Customs House, so I took mum inside to show her how cool it is. Little kids were crawling on the glass over the model of Sydney set into the lobby floor, pointing out familiar landmarks and exclaiming. It was very cute.

We wandered down to the Opera House and, much like the Eiffel Tower, I wondered if it was possible to take a bad photo of this building.

Then a meander through the Botanic Gardens, which were crowded with people soaking up the glorious sunlight. We sat on a bench, then looked up at all the fruit bats, hanging like in podlike clusters from most of the trees.
Mum decided to go home then to let me write and potter around a bit. I went to the Art Gallery, and although I'm not especially interested in the Biennale which is on at the moment, I was amused by the chalk 'graffiti' covering the outside of the building and some of the windows inside.

I spent some time looking at Harold Cazneaux's photographs of Sydney, marvelling at the soft smudginess of them and how that contrasted so abruptly with the hard, glittery brashness of the city on a day like today. Then I had a delicious lemon tart and a black coffee in the cafe and wrote a bit.
When I left the gallery I looked up at one more bit of graffiti on the lintel. I think it totally sums me up:
I walked back through the Domain and through Martin Place.
I was seriously flagging by this point, but wandered through David Jones on the way to the bus stop and got a jumper for half price at the sales. Unfortunately, because I was so tired and my headache was starting up again, I got on a bus that I assumed would go past my place but didn't. I ended up having to walk a few blocks to get home. I was glad to have been out on such a beautiful winter's day, but I wish I was better at calibrating my energy levels so I had enough left to get home!

Saturday morning...who's gonna play with me?

gratitude and grace

It's been cold and rainy and windy these last few days. Finally weather that warrants a coat and thick scarf and a hat. It's also best when you're indoors, even better when you can sleep or you're with friends.

Saturday I just slept and pottered and slept a bit more. Sunday was a City Writing Day, except we had it at The Sweet Spot at The Spot. Ben came too and we ate yummy cakes and all tried to harness the writing bug (it's a very tiny bug with a very tiny harness...). I just wasn't in the mood to write, even though I had been looking forward to hanging out with my fellow writerly friends for a couple of months. My head was cloudy and sad, and try as I might I couldn't think of anything I wanted to write. I did manage to get some stuff down; it was just writing for writing's sake, but sometimes that is much better than a blank page.

Karen wins at boxing...or was it baseball?

Then we got Thai takeaway and went back to the Uns' place to eat and play Wii. I think I get as much fun watching people play Wii as actually playing it myself. We laughed a lot, which was much needed by all. Though by the end of the afternoon I was getting a little weary. M came home from visiting her parents, so the Beilzes and I took our leave and headed out into the rainy afternoon.

We went to church, and it was another great Kurt sermon about Paul and his Christian journey in Acts. He started off with the startling comparison between Paul and a modern-day suicide bomber, saying that to contemporary Australians there probably wouldn't seem to be much difference between the two. However a suicide bomber is ready to die so that others will die; Paul was ready to die to bring others life in Jesus. The key thing was Paul's attitude; he had already gone to Jerusalem expecting death, so fearlessly proclaimed Christ because after all, to Paul "to live is Christ, to die is gain". Kurt said that although we aren't facing death like that, are we willing to die to our ambition, life goals, comfort, security for the sake of the gospel? If we're struggling to live for Jesus, maybe it's because we still think we have life apart from Jesus. But the fact is, we don't.

I've heard a few talks like this recently and it really does challenge me, especially in the area of work. I complain and gripe about work and the money and all those standard bitching and moaning things, but really what am I complaining about? If I am committed to the spread of the gospel, and am serious about the fact that my job contributes to that, then I should be honoured to work where I do. And I am.

the AFES staff at conference last week

I am grateful to work in a place where we get to open the Bible together and study it every day. I am grateful to work with colleagues who are constantly striving to be more godly. I am grateful to have the chance to think about living as a Christian as part of my job, and to write about those things, to encourage others. That doesn't mean the work is going to be easy, in fact, it probably means the exact opposite. And we're still a bunch of sinful humans messing things up and getting frustrated and irritated with one another, getting tired and stressed, not coping with life generally. But I guess the difference is that because we are trying to be more godly, and trying to remember that we are serving Christ in our work, we apologise, we seek resolution, we try harder next time. So I shouldn't be discouraged by work, but I should be encouraged, and should go to it gladly.

Some days that's easier to do than others. But with God's grace, I struggle on.

over already

My, but weekends go by so quickly.

Saturday morning I had breakfast at Mickey's in Paddington. It was a delicious stack of pancakes with stewed rhubarb and apple. Karen joined me and then we went to see the Phantasia show at the Australian Centre for Photography. It's just a small show but really good (from the promo blurb: "Vivid, complex and magical, the works in this exhibition abandon the traditional realm of the photographic - the real world - to conjure images of the fantastical"). To the left is one of my favourite images, from Alexia Sinclair's series, Regal Twelve. The exhibition is on until next Saturday June 7; if you're in the area it's well worth checking out.

Then we drove down to Wollongong, chatting about notions of creativity and listening to music. Ben B met us down there and we all had lunch at Ben and Stacie's. As well as catching up with them, we were there to meet their five-week-old son, Eli. He was very sweet, even though he was unsettled with some digestive problems. It was so good to see them. Ben P played his new album for us too, of metal-influenced Christian kids' rock - it was awesome.

I drove home on my own and sang at the top of my lungs, always a good thing to do when you have the opportunity. Mum and I had a delicious, nourishing stew for dinner and finished Gilmore Girls season 7.

I slept til about 12.00 today. I had planned to get up and go to Customs House to write, or even just get in the garden and do a few things, but I just was wiped out and still melancholy so let myself sleep. The cat came and kept me company, which is always nice. I had some errandy things to do, after which mum took me to the city for yum cha and I ended up buying some clothes and boots, which was unexpected (can never find good clothes or shoes when I am purposely looking for them, but if I have no particular plans I will often make some good finds). I also bought Shaun Tan's new book 'tales from outer suburbia' and although I've only read a little bit, it's typically beautiful and whimsical (the guy who sold it to me at Dymocks barely looked at me until he noticed what I was buying, then we had a collective moment of gushing over Tan's work and how there needs to be more whimsy in the world. He gave me a genuinely warm smile when he handed the book back to me).

Church tonight was good too, and I actually stuck around for dinner afterwards, something I've been meaning to do more regularly. I tend to just scurry away after church, usually because I'm tired and need to get home. But Karen's started coming to Wild St, and as dinner was in the church hall, it was easy just to hang around and continue chatting over yummy pasta and garlic bread.

And now the weekend's almost over. Again. It's never long enough.

beware the ups

...for there is always a down.

I think with any sort of condition you have your good days and your bad days. Sometimes the goods are very good, which invariably means the low that balances it out will be very low. The thing that I'm aiming for is to make the distance between the peaks and troughs shrink, so that yes, there will be bad days as well as good, but I won't swing so wildly in between the two.

On Saturday, as I mentioned in the last post, I had Word by Word. It was a great day, hearing Guan's talk on reviews and reviewing, having lunch at Gourmet Pizza Kitchen and then doing some good writing and workshopping on Undragon Stories. Guan and I then went to see Iron Man - just as awesome the second time around, and I'm starting to think Robert Downey Jr might just be the perfect comic-book hero actor. And it was just such a nourishing day, with lots of creativity, time with friends, and a general, all-round positivity that was hard to beat.

On Sunday, I went along as moral support for mum to hear a minister they might be nominating for St Martin's. It's an unpleasant job, being a nominator; you have the weight of the church on your shoulders, you have to be objective, but you also just want to pick someone so your church isn't floundering without a leader. And then there's the awkwardness of turning up to a church (especially a tiny one like the one we went to yesterday) where it's obvious you're not a member of the congregation and people wonder what you're doing there.

The Anglican system isn't perfect by any means, and it's like a nasty game of tag, where you poach someone's minister and then they have to go through the process to poach someone else's minister, etc, etc. The diocese hasn't been overly helpful either; they don't give the nominators any help with working out who is eligible to be approached (generally someone who has been in their current church for at least five years), and don't give any recommendations, but are quick to tell them 'no' when the nominators suggest people. Why they can't just say 'don't consider these people' in the first place, I don't know. And surely the diocese would be more familiar with which ministers would be good fits for which parish, and be able to give suggestions. Maybe it's different in a more high-profile church, but for a smallish, struggling church like St Martin's, I would think they would need just as much help as some of the big guns. But anyway.

So we drove out to this church, about an hour from where we live, and mum had printed out directions from WhereIs that seemed pretty straightforward. But even though we followed them to the letter, we think there was either a mistake or we majorly misinterpreted one of the directions because we got lost. Thankfully mum has a pretty decent sense of direction (because I don't), and we eventually found our way to the church. We were about 25 minutes late, so missed the beginning of the sermon, but caught most of it. It was quite interesting, actually, part of a series about Catholicism, and looking at the whole Mary issue. We had communion, which was also good as I have missed the (infrequent) communion service at Wild St. Then after a brief chat with the minister and his wife (both very friendly), we left pretty much straight away so we wouldn't have that awkward thing of having to answer questions as to why we were there. It felt odd.

We went on to Berrima for lunch, and I bought some more fat quarters for my new quilt at the lovely patchwork shop there. But a nasty headache had crept in and by the time we headed home it was full blown. I almost fell asleep driving at 110km/hour on the freeway - very scary! - so mum took over. Then the car almost overheated so we had to stop and let the engine cool down for a while. Thankfully we got home, and we praised God for keeping us safe.

I wanted to go to church but by that time I just had to lie down in a dark room. We had dinner and watched Gilmore Girls and then I just had to call it quits, couldn't even keep my eyes open. Today hasn't been much better, I've been in bed, migrainey and queasy all day. Had a brief jaunt out to North Sydney to pick up my MRI scans (and am very grateful to Guan for driving me), and am now horizontal again with my loving cat curled up beside me.

I wonder if two very full days was too much for me. Partly I think it's because I've had a few days in a row where I've been feeling good and positive, I therefore started being more active again, and maybe I just tried to do too much while forgetting that there would be an energy crash coming sooner or later. Guh. Bring on those resurrection bodies, I say!

aftermath

It has been noted that I was very quick to post the photo of the poor car. What can I say? I'm a child of my generation. Or maybe the next generation. I don't know.

After the accident I couldn't focus on anything and was useless at work. The paramedic told me not to go home and be on my own, just in case I was feeling worse and needed to go to hospital. Guan had the day off and was going into the city, so I tagged along. We went to Kings Comics, Kinokuniya, the Tea Centre and Borders. I bought Odd and the Frost Giants by Neil Gaiman (and RSVPed for his Kinokuniya appearance in May), The Book Thief by Markus Zusak which I've wanted to read for a while, and Wicked by Gregory Maguire.

I was casting around for something satisfying to watch on DVD. At Borders I bought My Neighbour Totoro, which I had watched for the first time last week with Guan and Mary, and it was the perfect solution. Mum and I came home, she made the most delicious beef stroganoff for dinner (which is our version of comfort food!), and we watched Totoro together. She laughed and thought it was cute; I was glad, because she doesn't normally watch animated films and I didn't know whether she'd stick around long enough to get into it. It just made me smile so much, which was sorely needed!
Today, however, the adrenalin had all gone and I was just a big blob of meh. But that was okay. I didn't have anywhere to be, or anything to do. So I read and played piano and lay around. I walked with mum to Maroubra Junction to do some groceries and I almost passed out. It was exhausting! To think I had walked and walked all day yesterday, and today I could barely make it around the corner. I rented some DVDs and when we got home I just slept for a few hours.

We kind of partially did the Earth Hour thing, even though I think the hyperbole of it is ridiculous - "How are you celebrating Earth Hour?" Give me a break! But we do like candles. We turned off our lights and lit candles, had tomato soup and toast, and watched Once on DVD. Scout curled up in the curve of my body and alternated between being a little croissant-shaped cat and a fully outstretched mini-bear. It was very cosy.

Now I'm listening to the Once soundtrack and dreaming of music to be made. I'm very grateful for the chill-out time. Thank God for weekends.

why are people so unkind?

I went and had a massage today. It was so lovely and relaxing, and worth every cent (even though it went on the credit card). I was in my usual state of post-massage vagueness, but trying to concentrate very hard as I walked into the carpark. I stuck to the pedestrian crossing and everything.

As I walked through the carpark, a massive four-wheel drive, being piloted by a massive man, turned into the area I was walking in. I didn't know where he was going, as behind me were some short concrete bollards. It soon became obvious that instead of driving through the carpark to the exit, he was instead going to take a short cut over the pedestrian crossing, over the concrete bollards and, if I didn't move, over me. So I quickly got out of the way and gave him a scornful look and may have mouthed the words, "what are you doing?" As he drove past me he yelled nastily, "Shaaaaddddup!"

All benefits of the massage: gone. Seethed about the stupid fat man all the way home and hated our sinful world, where people go out of their ways to do the wrong thing and then yell at you about it. Can still hear his awful voice.

But aside from that, and the fact that I forgot to turn my weekday alarm off so woke up at 7am on a Saturday, it's been a pleasant enough sort of day. We went to visit the Whittinghams in their new house, and to meet their sweet new daughter, Sarah. We had delicious pad kee mao for lunch at Thai Times 9. We came home to a total blackout and discovered that our electricity cables are rotting and need to be replaced within 21 days (that wasn't really a pleasant thing, but, you know, it happened). And then the massage. And then the fat man.

But I don't have anywhere to be tonight so can just chill out and relax. And our power got turned back on (with a temporary fix) so I can blog and watch a DVD. And maybe even do some design stuff.

Or I might sleep.

sweltery Saturday

The weather's gone all wet and strange. Not wet in a good, cooling, thundery downpour kind of way, but wet in a humid, sticky and perenially damp kind of way. Every now and again the air just gets too heavy with moisture and there's a shower, but they never last long enough to delight in.

Went to the new gym at Maroubra today and it was great. It felt really good to get the blood pumping again, and it's a much nicer gym than the one at Randwick, which really needs a good clean and spruce up. Mum and I then wandered around Westfield Bondi Junction for a while. I was considering going in to the free Festival First Night thing in the city tonight, but actually I feel much more like just veging out at home I think. Besides which, I've got all the exciting Sydney Festival live music coming up that we booked in November - Andrew Bird on Monday, Sufjan Stevens next Saturday, and lots of other stuff at the end of the month.

I also took down the Christmas tree and all the decorations last night. It always takes a little while to get used to the house being undecorated again; everything seems bare and a little forlorn. But I had heaps of help from Scout, who is as good at dismantling Christmas trees as she is at dismembering cockroaches (and she is very good at that).

masks and wandering

It's been a weird sort of day, partly the product of the late night I had last night. After years of working our way through from seasons 1-7, the Baddeleys and I finally finished Buffy forever (obviously we don't have time to get into Angel before they go to Oxford so there's nothing for it, I'm just going to have to go over there to watch it). After they left, I stayed up playing X Box with Dave and Glenn and crashed around 2.30am, leaving them in the living room reminiscing about their misspent youth.

I was woken up at 7.45 by a desperate Meg, who has a terrible cold, was moving today, had heaps of uni assignments due and had just realised her car was out of rego so couldn't drive to work. I was glad I could help her out by driving her to work; though it was hard to get up. It feels really weird that she's not living downstairs anymore.

I came back home and went back to sleep for a couple of hours, then mum and I went to look at a house in Maroubra. We hadn't been thinking about that area much at all, but this house sounded like it had all the things we needed, so we thought we may as well give it a go...and I think it's the one. I really hope we get it! It's close to work, close to transport, has plenty of space - though the agent said we can't have a cat. Oh well.

I drove mum in to the city to meet her friends, and I mooched around for a few hours, as I was supposed to be meeting Bek for a celebratory-PhD-handing-in high tea at the Sheraton. I tried not to eat anything much as I knew I'd be filling up later that afternoon, so I wandered around, wrote and had a coffee in the Strand, bought The Complete Polysyllabic Spree by Nick Hornby (which I'm already enjoying immensely - every page seems to have a quote about reading or writing that I want to stick on my wall) and bought some make up from Benefit in Myer. As I still had time to kill, the girl did my full makeup and it's so weird, because I rarely wear that much makeup but it's kind of fun to have someone do you up like that - but the make up artists' version of 'natural' is quite different from mine, which basically involves lip balm and not much else. I don't like the feeling that I can't rub my face, and I forget and usually end up with really smudged eyes. But after a few hours it kind of settled down and I just look like a photo-ready version of myself (proof below of me looking pretentious while I lay on my bed this afternoon and fiddled with photobooth). :)


It's weird how having a painted mask on can make you feel so different - even if it's only a thick layer of foundation. Just walking around the city after that I felt much more visible, noticeable. I'm not sure I like that feeling. But knowing that the makeup had been put on properly (instead of my usual ham fisted attempts) led to a certain level of confidence I must say. I think there is a girly-girl inside me, but she doesn't come out that often.

Then Bek rang and said something was up with the trains and she couldn't come in after all! We're still going to do high tea tomorrow, and deep down I was relieved as I had tired myself out by wandering around town for three hours. Came home, read some Nick Hornby on the couch, and still have my makeup on.

weekend

Had quite a good weekend after a bit of an emotional blip in the middle. Saw the lovely Baddeleys on Friday night for dinner and Buffy (almost at the end!). Went to the gym on Saturday and my trainer pushed me really hard so now I'm walking around like the tin man from the Wizard of Oz, with very stiff legs. Mum took me to La Premiere at Fox to see Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, which I loved (even though Bethany hated it, I thought they did a good job condensing what must be almost impossible books to condense).

Then that night I just got irrationally emotional, as happens from time to time. I went to bed and lay in the dark, praying about things, but each thing that I prayed about suddenly became a huge, terrible, impossible problem. For example, I started praying that my mum's sore leg would get better and that the doctor will be able to give her some answers about it. That turned into 'what if she has to have surgery and it goes wrong and she dies? I can't live without my mum!', which turned into me bawling. I eventually realised the irrationality of that whole thought process, reined my thoughts in and got the prayers back on track, only to be derailed by something else dramatic within the next minute. I told Dave about it and he said "Man, how do you do that? If it was me I'd just be going 'Lord, make my mum's leg better'. You ought to be a writ...oh wait, you are a writer."

Anyway, Sunday was much better. Church in the morning, then in the afternoon mum and I picked up Freda and we went to the Observatory Hotel (my favourite Sydney hotel) for high tea, and oh it was delightful. I had 'white peony' tea, which was lovely, as well as all the delicious things to eat. The three of us had a great time and wonderful conversations. Mum truly spoiled us this weekend; it's so nice to be able to do these things once in a while, and to spend time with people you love. (Mum's going to hate these photos, but sorry mum...I like them! That's her on the left and Freda on the right.)

Then mum and I went to Wild St Church to hear Mark preach on Jonah, which was great, then home to crash. I went to bed early but still didn't feel like I got enough sleep. There's something to be said for hibernation.